Finding Peace with Uncertainty

Fear of an uncertain future: it can stop us from doing great things, and it can keep us holding onto things that are hurting us. 

For example: you might be holding onto clutter for reasons of comfort and security, even if the clutter gives you anxiety and costs a lot of money.

And: you might be staying in a job you don’t like, because you’re afraid of taking the plunge, because you’re afraid of failing.

And again: you might not travel to a country that feels very unfamiliar because you don’t know what will happen — and miss out on an amazing life-changing experience. 
This is just the start of how fear of an uncertain future affects our lives.

How to Get Good at Uncertainty

And so we see that the answer is becoming good at change. If we are good at dealing with new things, with things as they come no matter how different they are, then we don’t fear it. Then change itself becomes comfortable.

If we become comfortable with change, it’s not scary. We can then embrace it, find joy in it. You can see this in people who we call “adventurous” — they seek new experiences, because they know they’ll be fine, and that it can be amazing. (Note that this is different than the “adventure-seeker” types who have turned excitement into their form of comfort — when the excitement is taken away, then they feel the pain and loss of this change.)

So how do we get good at change? Some suggestions that are working for me (I’m still learning):

·                                 Try something new, but small and safe. New things can be scary because we’re afraid we’re going to fall on our faces. But if it’s something small for example listening to a language-learning podcast, for example — it’s not as scary. There’s no real risk of getting hurt. And the more we do this, in small, non-scary steps, the more confidence we’ll gain that new things are not painful.

·                                 When you mess up, don’t see it as painful failure. When you’re doing new things, there will be times when you make mistakes, mess up, “fail”. But these words are associated with negative things, like pain … instead; start to look at mistakes and “messing up” as something positive — it’s the only way to learn. Messing up is a way to get better at something, to grow, to get stronger.

   The choices we make, and the chances we take, determine our destiny.- Unknown

·                                 See the wonder and opportunity in change. Change might mean leaving a comfort zone, and losing something (or someone) you love, but there’s much more: it’s the bringing of something new and amazing, a new opportunity to explore and learn and meet new people and reinvent yourself. When change happens, look for the wonder in it, the new doors that have opened.

·                                 Ask “what’s the worst-case scenario”? If you’re exposing yourself, getting out of your comfortable environment, leaving behind security … it can be scary, but when you think about what is the worst thing that is likely to happen, usually it’s not that bad. If you lost all your possessions today in a disaster, how bad would that be? How would you cope? What opportunities would there be? What new things could you invent from this blank slate?

·                                 Develop a change toolset. Learn how to cope with changes, no matter what they are. Have a fallback plan if things collapse. Have friends and family you can call on. Develop some skills where you can get a job or start a new business no matter what happens with your current job or the economy. Learn ways of making friends with strangers, finding your way around a strange city, surviving on little. With a toolset like this, you can feel confident that you can handle just about anything that comes.